Translator/Editor : Léabyss
When I woke up, I was lying on a kind of stretcher. What is this room and why does it have such a variety of unknown utensils?
Why am I still alive?
The dagger should have pierced my chest. I’m sure I did it right!
“How do you feel, Wilfred?”
Ernest realizes that I woke up. He stretches out a little on his seat and then comes straight towards me.
Only he is in the room.
“Why I’m…?”
“There is a Leonidian healer, someone who apparently has near-miraculous abilities. He was the one who healed you.”
“And … why did they do that? I already feel dead anyway so please …”
“Wilfred … What Randolph said is true, but he didn’t explain it properly. Please let me tell you what happened?”
Ernest started talking to me about the reasons that led Randolph to beat my people, what he did when he learned the truth, how much trouble he suffered because of me and why he decided to tell me about this in the end … But nothing that came out from his mouth made me feel better.
“So he’s not really the villain here. Could you think about it a bit and …?”
“No, I don’t think I can forgive him. Not him or you. His sin and yours are basically the same.”
“You think I don’t know? It hurts just to look at your face. I can’t control the hatred that arises inside me when I remember what we did! I don’t know what to do to make you …”
“I’m tired … I really am. You leave me alone? Please.”
Ernest stands up.
“You don’t want to know about him?”
“Sorry?”
“Don’t you care what he’s doing right now …? Because, he is truly sorry and hurt!”
“I’m sorry, but hasn’t he hit me with all his might already? I don’t have anything anymore. Why should I worry about the one who caused it?”
“… It’s okay.”
Ernest said nothing more. He left the room and finally I was alone.
Shit!
It’s so hard to control this feeling of betrayal from someone I thought could be my friend. It is unlikely that you can stop hating them so much. Why did he have to tell me all that ?! If I had known that it hurt like that, I would have preferred to die without knowing the truth. I do not know what to do now. Where do I move to?
“I’m sorry. I can enter?”
There was a knock on the door and then someone entered the room. It was a human with black hair and black eyes. No, impossible. So he wasn’t ruled out? Maybe he wasn’t the same slave and I was confusing him … But could there be another human as rare as him in this world?
“Hi. How you feel?”
“I do not know…”
“That is completely normal. I really didn’t want to cure you in a place like this, but in the country there are still no specialized facilities like the ones I needed and your condition was absolutely critical.”
“You healed me …?”
“Yes. I’m so sorry, I should have introduced myself first. I am Chikayuki, a Leonid healer.”
“I’m Wilfred … Nice to meet you?”
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He prepared tea.
I didn’t understand how we had suddenly gotten to this point, that of feeling so strangely familiar.
“This is my favorite tea, it makes me feel very calm whenever I drink it … Do you want to try drinking a little too?”
The cup he gave me contained a green liquid that I did not find at all appetizing. I have never drank tea of this color and yet the smell was actually quite good. I was thirsty so I drank it a little quick.
It was bitter, but it did reassure me.
“I’ve heard a lot about Wilfred in the last few days … I’m sure most of it was intimate, so excuse me for doing it that way. Ernest-san and Randolph-san talk a lot … Um. I was in the same position as you, so I really didn’t know what to say to them when they asked me things. I was feeling really mad at them, you know. But doctors should not judge people, much less their stories.”
“Same position?”
“They also treated me as a sex slave.”
After all, he … He’s the local boy! Who was in front of me at that moment just as he is now …
“I know you … I was also a prostitute where you were. I really … I really regretted not being able to help you at that time. I was scared, one day they took you out and I just thought they had decided to kill you.”
Chikayuki seemed a bit surprised by my words.
“Yes … I remember you too. But, there was no way the slaves could help each other so it wasn’t your fault, nothing that happened. I … I’ve had a lot from there. A nice life, possibly. You know? You too will have that from now on.”
“I’m very happy for you, I really mean it.”
I was really happy that the boy was alive. He looked small, as fragile as my brothers. If all turned out well for him, Marx and Theo … Maybe they had survived too. In case they were …
Tears overflowed from my eyes without realizing it.
“Wilfred…”
“But me, I don’t see that anything good is going to come out of what happened to me … I’m sorry, I’m sorry … You and I suffered different things, maybe I was completely broken this time …”
There was profound silence between Chikayuki and me, even though he had taken the trouble to hold my hand tightly.
“I broke myself too, but I was able to function again with a little time … I’m with you now and I’m not leaving until you help you do the exact same thing.”
“… What did you do with the sex slave curse? Can you tell me … If there are other ways to remove the curse? Something that does not involve having children.”
“Well, I had a couple of babies. But, we can investigate.”
“You say you had a child with a beastman?”
“Yes, I have two companions. They are a bear and a lion.”
It was a shocking fact.
Although he must have received a lot of humiliation and pain from the beastmen over the years … why is it that he still decided to mate with them? What logic did it have?
“Don’t you hate beastmen …?”
“Yes … I hated them too much for all they made me suffer when I was a slave. But it was also a beast that saved me.”
“How do you forgive something like that?”
“I still don’t forgive those who raped me … But the beastmen I mated with are very kind … They take so much care of me. I don’t hate them.”
I understand that.
Some humans are good and other humans are bad. I know it is a mistake to hate all the beasts for being of the same race … But your companions and my companion cannot be compare. He is one of the causes that led me to suffer. Me and my family.
“What should I do, Chikayuki? Tell me…”
“We are going to solve it slowly.”
“Must I … forgive him? Should I forgive him because he is my partner?”
“No. You do not have to. But, maybe … Someday you can talk.”
“With the son of a bitch who did all this to me …”
“Yes, it’s a difficult thing to do … You have to take your time, improve and then think about what you want to do with him. Talking is just my personal opinion.”
Chikayuki pours tea back into my cup. I thanked it, put it to my lips and swallowed it slowly. It was hot and delicious, enough to make your heart feel a little lighter. I was so full of hatred that I felt close to insanity.
“I’m not sure I can speak …”
“I’m sorry I can’t give good advice.”
“No thank you very much. I feel a little better after talking to you.”
“That’s good … Please don’t hesitate to call me if something happens, okay? Anything, even if you think it’s insignificant.”
“Yes…”
“I have to tell you that I was able to heal your feet too.”
… Ah?”
“Really?”
And when I tried to move my feet … I noticed that I could do it freely without needing to feel pain. He had healed that wound and now, it seemed like the scars had never been there.
“Thank you … No … I don’t know how I can thank you Chikayuki.”
“But you’re already doing it! I am so happy when my patients start to get better this way!”
Chikayuki’s expression when he smiled like that seemed to be definitive that of a very happy man.
A few days after that, I got used to the routine of going to talk to Chikayuki during the mornings and sleeping most of the afternoon … However, when I sleep, I only get a good dose of nightmares. Not about my days being a prostitute … But about my whole family, suffering like me. Being raped like me. When I woke up and sat on the mattress to try to get some air back … I realized that someone else was there with me. A tiger, looking at me with a face that tells me that it has the same strange feelings as when we saw each other last time.
“What are you doing here?”
“Listen…”
“It’s fun … watching me suffer even now?”
“That’s not the case…” His eyebrows lowered painfully. “Can I … talk to you for a moment?”
“No.” But I got out of bed anyway and walked over to him. “But I do have something to say. These are all the words I will have, so I don’t need or want an answer. It is understood?”
He said nothing.
“There was a stranger among the customers of the place where he was. He often bought me just to sleep near me … It was going on for a long time and honestly, I even wished it would come soon so he could rescue me. Now, I think I had a special feeling for him … I liked him, I felt like I liked him.”
He seemed to want to say something, but I didn’t let him.
“He saved me from being a prostitute. He helped me in so many different ways … It was then that I realized that it was possibly my partner, but I was desperate and scared and didn’t want to admit my feelings. The feelings that grew in me during those days .”
I reached out to caress his face … It was interesting to see that he was a bit surprised by that.
“I loved you so much … Piercing my chest with a dagger wasn’t as painful as everything you put me through. Ernest told me the truth and the things you faced for me, but … I hate you .”
“You have … every right to hate me.”
“Every day I talk to Chikayuki and his father-in-law, because I want to stop feeling this horrible desire that I have to die. I’m really tired of hating and I’m thinking of trying to move on. I would like to improve and find my family if possible … And because of that, the truth is that I no longer want to see you.”
The beast embraces me. I don’t know why … But I’m sure he’s starting to cry.
“No … Please … Please let me stay with you for at least a few more days. Please…!”
It was unfair that his arms still seemed so incredibly comfortable to me.
“Please…”
From that day on we started talking little by little, really little by little. All we did was speak in monosyllables. He would nod his head, sometimes saying quite simple words.
Ernest said, “He really loves you.” But I was thinking: Can things be put back together only with love?
One day they called me to tell me the information they had obtained regarding the whereabouts of my parents. After all, neither of them was alive. They were killed three days after they attacked my village. I did not ask for details, I did not even want to know more about it … Since there is no data on my brothers, it is believed that they were bought by people outside the country or that they were also perhaps murdered.
I was relieved when I heard about my parents. “At least my mother didn’t have to suffer what I suffered. At least my father is now in heaven.” I thought I would be more shocked, sadder … But actually I felt like I was acting much calmer than I should.
I don’t remember how I got back to my room . I also don’t know why Randolph was there.
“You’re good?”
Couldn’t you say something more ingenious?
“Do you think I’m okay?”
“I’m so sorry.”
Do you feel it?
I threw the pillow I had on hand to him.
“Why are you like this ?! Can’t you leave me alone for a moment? Okay, okay … I forgive you. It’s what you want, right? Feeling better after your mistakes. Well, I release you from the burden!”
“I can’t leave you and I can’t stop behaving like this … Because I love you, I love you like you have no idea.”
“No, do not say that.”
“I love you.”
“You love Me? Perfect then! It’s been a long time since I’ve let a beast catch me. That’s what you want, right? You’ve been holding yourself back all this time. Of course that’s it! Of course it is love! I can see you clearly upset …” But just beginning to undress in front of him – . “You don’t have to be nice. I’m used to being hard-core so it’s okay if you do what you want.”
“Wilfred…”
“Come on, show me your fucking love!”
As if he were dealing with a broken plate. Like he’s trying to avoid hurting me further …! This man held me very gently in his arms. He rubs my back, strokes my neck, and then, he places both palms on my cheeks and makes me look him in the face.
“Okay, you can do it …”
“What…?”
“If you want to cry, cry. You don’t have to hold on, you don’t have to act like the strong one … Except when I’m here with you.”
It was my limit. It was definitely my limit!
“Ah … My … My dad … And my mom … Ah! They killed my dad! He … No … He didn’t deserve to die! It was my mom and dad! Why? Why my parents?”
“It’s okay…”
“Mom!! Mom…! Why did you die?”
I was hugged so tightly that my shattered voice soon began to sound somewhat muffled. But I was shaking and panting like I was dying.
“I’m sorry … I’m so sorry.”
After all, he didn’t let go of me until I got tired of crying … And I finally fell asleep.
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I’ve already decided, it’s not good for either of us to be around each other.
This gentleman stubborn idiot will continue to suffer for life when you’re with me … And when I see him … No . I don’t want to feel any of this anymore! He couldn’t forgive himself, but I didn’t want to hate him either.
The first thing I did the next morning was talk to him.
“Randolph…”
The tiger seemed a bit confused as to how strange it was to call his name.
“How do you feel today?”
“Don’t worry about me … That’s no longer important.”
“But…”
“I want to forget about Randolph. So please forget about me too.”
“What are you saying so suddenly?”
“I heard from Ernest that you will continue to be Knights. Is not true? You are a captain now and if so, then I have nothing left to do but wish that you could save as many people as possible.”
“I know … I have no right to tell you this, but Wilfred … Wilfred, listen to me. I do not want to let you go.”
“It doesn’t do us any good to be around.”
“I need to be with you…”
“It’s not true.”
“Of course it’s true!”
“… You and I know it’s instinct. There is no love, just a lot of guilt. I can’t be with you, I’m going to go on a journey to find my brothers …”
“You can’t leave me, you can’t just …”
“Of course I can. Take this as my last punishment for you …”
“Ah …”
“That’s all from me.”
Neither I nor Randolph exchanged any more words after that.
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I told Ernest and Chikayuki what I would do and prepared to face it.
I have not eliminated the dislike of beastmen, but since I live in this world I know that I cannot help getting involved with them. I rejected the idea of them getting me an escort because I didn’t want to have beasts next to me as there was also the fact that I had to deal with a slave curse.
Well, I’ve been taken many times before so, I just have to find a human boy that I like, be patient, and ask him to hug me. As expected, I am unlikely to be comfortable with the idea of giving birth to a beast boy.
It was raining the day I decided to leave.
Ernest, Chikayuki, a lion and a bear, stood next to me on that occasion. They are surely his parteners and the human children that Chikayuki is skillfully holding are his little children. From their expressions, I knew that they were truly happy. A nice family …
Randolph was not in that scene.
“You should let me accompany you …”
“No, Ernest. I already discussed it with Randolph as well. I really want to find Marx and Theo. Even if they can’t find them here, that doesn’t mean they can’t be living somewhere else. I wish … so much to see them again.”
“But even so, at least to the middle of the forest …”
“It’s okay. I have received enough money, food and I know how to ride. I don’t think I can be comfortable with the idea of being surrounded by beasts. And you know, I’m not a kid anymore.”
Ernest seemed to have something else to say, but gradually he gave up.
“Chikayuki, thank you very much for everything you did for me. I will look forward like you and try to do my best. It’s because of you that I felt so confident. You saved my life, you healed my feet … I will never be able to pay you for that much.”
“Well, Wilfred … Maybe you can pay me by waiting a little longer around here.”
“Chikayuki, I can’t do that … The light …”
And at that moment, I heard the mighty noise of a sword.
From there, that person appeared in front of me, dressed in a beautiful and shiny new polished Knight’s suit. That guy, Randolph, stands in front of me, kneels down, and plunges his huge sword into the ground.
“My name is Randolph Dei Wallenstein. And I swear under this sword, to dedicate myself to you until my end. I hope you can accept me, because I will go with you from this day until the end of my days.”
I didn’t know what this person was saying for a moment.
“What do you mean? You are an important person for this country! They need you more than I need you! I can find them without help!”
“I know you can, but I still want to. In addition, there are many alternatives for the future of this country. I want the captain to be Ernest from now on.”
“Woo! What are you saying man?”
“Are you crazy! Coming with me is only going to bring us more suffering later! Even if I forgive you, I’m sure something is going to go wrong. If I can’t find my siblings, I’m probably going to …”
“I’m prepared for all that, but I want to be with Wilfred even so … If you accept me.”
“It’s just because we’re partners …”
“It’s not because of that!” Randolph’s passion is something I can feel intensely for the first time. That warms my body -. “I loved you before I realized we were destined. It’s true that instinct is asking me to have you, but … I’m sure it’s something even deeper. I was so happy to have heard that you loved me … And I know that I am nobody to say this, but if during your trip you are hugged by someone other than me, I will not be able to forgive myself. I don’t want to run away from you or what I did and I have completely decided to protect you.”
“What’s up with that…? I haven’t even said yes.”
Randolph offers me his sword.
“Please let me pledge my loyalty to you.”
“I’m still stunned.”
“Yes.”
“Being on my side doesn’t mean I forget the past.”
“Yes.”
“And I still hate you.”
“Yes.”
A very stubborn boy. Why did I feel like he was going to start crying?
“Alright…”
“All of me is yours. Call me Randolph or whatever you want.”
“Well, call me Will. My family told me like this.”
“I can do it?”
“If you can…”
“Will, please give me the right to follow you as an escort, I love you so much …”
And I noticed. Everyone who was there was seeing this strange situation! Ernest was angry at Randolph, the Lion had started clapping and the bear was looking at him as if he was embarrassed. Chikayuki is the one who approaches me.
“Chikayuki, what do I do …?”
“What? You are solving the situation perfectly.”
“Well, I want to do everything I can to be happy … Like Chikayuki.”
“No, you have to be even happier than me.” And Chikayuki gave me a box and whispered something in my ear. “If you can work out your feelings with Randolph or find someone else … I think this can be very helpful.”
When I opened it, I saw that it was some kind of lubricant. Lubricant! From a cute boy like Chikayuki! I managed to suppress the face that seemed to be stained red, and put the box in my pants.
“Oh, oh … thank you …”
“Randolph! Find Wilfred’s younger siblings and come back here! I don’t want to be a general!”
“You’ll do fine.”
“Wilfred, if you can ever pass through Leonidas, make sure you go to my house. I would like to introduce you to my other loved ones.”
“Oh, I’ll definitely stop by.”
“Hector will be very happy to talk to you more! Even though he only saw you once, he really liked you a lot. I think he wants to start making a doll of you … Oh, he’s a great person. It’s really harmless so you don’t have to worry.”
“I’m looking forward to that! Thank you very much, Chikayuki!”
This is how we followed the rainy path. Letting ourselves be carried away by the heat we felt when we were with each other riding a monster. It seemed like he wasn’t confident in my abilities dominating the Arvis.
“Are you going to treat me well?”
“Yes.”
The Knight muttered this without changing his expression … But I noticed that the feline ears on his head moved slightly to the sides. He seemed happy.
I couldn’t get rid of the memory of my people. From my father, my mother or my brothers … But I don’t want to think that this choice is the wrong one.
Finally, I felt good about the rainy days.
BL snack 